On conflicts, discomfort and doing your best work

Are you doing your best work? Oftentimes, we don’t realize our potential because of the obstacles and distractions we face. One such big distraction is: CONFLICTS avoidance. Let us turn this around.

“I will get fired and I will not go alone.”

When your manager says this to you and your back is against the wall, it is hard to see conflicts as a good thing.

But when I did (and worked through this conflict, instead of avoiding it or becoming aggressive), I saw my performance rating became the best I ever saw. It was not easy (conflicts rarely are!), but my mindset about approaching it made all the difference.

I am hosting a workshop tomorrow (Thu Feb 1) 9am Pacific on conflicts, its relationship to doing your best work and coming up strategies to approach conflicts in an empowering way.

In today’s newsletter, I want so share some perspective about conflicts that will make them a vehicle for growth, instead of the impediments we see them as.

Conflicts and difficult conversations might seem like an intractable mess. But there is an order to the chaos, if you are willing to dig deeper behind people’s behavior.

Three ideas from others.

I.

A person's success in life can be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.

— Tim Ferriss, https://twitter.com/tferriss/status/559731737992130561

I have experienced that if we generalize conversations to “conversations with others or themselves”, it becomes even more true.

A person's success in life can be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have (with others or with themselves).

II.

Wherever You Go, There You Are.

— Jon Kabat-Zinn

Many times, we think that by avoiding a difficult conversation, we can avoid the consequences. But such avoidance does nothing to pacify our thoughts that are racing in our head. And those thoughts are always with you. Wherever you go, there you are, with your thoughts, feelings and behavior patterns.

III.

Non-violence is a weapon of the strong. Non-violence and truth are inseparable and presuppose one another. We may never be strong enough to be entirely nonviolent in thought, word and deed. But we must keep nonviolence as our goal and make strong progress towards it.

— Mahatma Gandhi, https://www.un.org/en/observances/non-violence-day

The way most of us approach conflicts is by being violent in our thoughts and language (word). And that is not sustainable, even if we might see a small win here and there. Gandhi had a way of working through conflicts via nonviolence that served everybody’s needs (but not everybody’s greed).

If you struggle with approaching conflicts in an empowering way, my workshop that I am hosting tomorrow (Thu Feb 1) 9am Pacific would be beneficial.

Two videos from me.

I.

In this video, I talk about how facing conflicts head-on can lead to a more accomplished and fulfilled life.

II.

We often look for relationships where we would have no conflicts. That, my friend, is an illusion. Watch this short video to learn about my journey of understanding this illusion.

One question for you.

I.

Which conflict or difficult/uncomfortable conversation are you avoiding that, if you faced it, will help you have less background noise and chatter in your head and more focus on what really matters to you?

Take 30-60 seconds right now to answer this. Don’t postpone to later. Whatever is your gut reaction, that is probably right (or a good starting point). What steps can you take to move a step closer to having that conversation?

Reach out to me if you want any help or support! Or join the workshop on conflicts, its relationship to doing your best work and coming up strategies to approach conflicts in an empowering way.

Thanks for reading.

Until next time, create consciously.

— Yogi